Have you ever wondered why some people are characteristically more liked than others?
Lol, this sounds like an advertisement that comes across when you’re feeling a certain way and this heading just presses a nerve and puts you off while your external reaction is a quizzical look followed by condensation on the ad. Because of course, you don’t need to know, You already do. This is where you think I am quoting a personal experience and getting ahead of myself. I am getting ahead of myself, but it is my insight that I’ll be sharing. A formulaic breakdown of how people appear likeable and how to appear likeable, on paper of course.
There are two kinds, and before that, there are two intentions. How to be likeable would depend on what is your intention; why do you want to be likeable? Do you want to get ahead of your co-workers, Impress that boss or executive? Or do you want no trouble and maintain a comfort level with your co-workers, maybe make some friends?
The intentions lead to the two kinds, much like jewellery; for show or keeps. For the show, we know that the person picks on the likes and dislikes of who they intend to be likeable with. There’s creativity involved in this kind as you’d have to divulge into what your target is interested in and see how you could incorporate that in your personality believably.
The basis with ‘like’ is an agreement in human nature.
“We don’t like each other, but we can both agree on one thing…” if they agreed on two, they’ll be having drinks later.
Find something to agree on and that’s how you’re liked by most people. The ones who ace this technique always keep in mind that people can read you, on the surface at least, so they maintain a level of genuineness.
For keeps, there’s no creativity involved. You just have to find ‘x’ in a math problem. Not its value but the physically variable itself in yourself. Much like the intention, you do not want any trouble with the person and so you adjust. ‘Adjust’ being the keyword here, means that you don’t go out of your way to being liked but compromise on what you don’t like; agree to disagree. Discussions become paramount in such cases as you seek some similarities for continued harmony. And more often than not, you find these connecting points and you become acquaintances.
With mutual respect in the mix, you have a certain benefit of being trusted more than those for the show as it would be expected of you to give semi-truth views about the new project that the company’s undertaking or the new pair of shoes your colleague bought over the weekend. Whatever may be the kind, congratulations! You’re now a likeable person.
Now what?
Well, the first thing would be to check, are your intentions being fulfilled or is it just your niceties that the group is looking forward to exploiting? You need to take advantage of your position for confirmation. Now how to go on about doing that would depend on what kind of likeable you are. If you were creative and dressed (your personality) to impress then you must have thought clearly about what you want to derive from this relationship and know what you want in exchange for all your hard work. So just, do that.
When to do that? When you’re gossiped to and not about, as simple as that. You catch the person in a compromising situation as they’re not showing their best colours when they’re gossiping and if they ‘like’ you, they’ll agree to your terms. This happens for two reasons; first, because they’re embarrassed about being caught off guard and second because you do have the same interests and share a bond over a mutual love for black coffee.
If you followed the ‘live and let live’ rule and formed an ‘after-hours drinks’ group in your department, the only intention you have is to carpool with that one guy who lives in your neighbourhood. Point being, that you did want to be liked but without much thought behind it and so to test whether you’re successful, you just have to stand the test of time and see how long your relationships remain amicable.
The second thing about being likeable is the presumption and anticipation by your peers. No matter what kind, if it is a topic that is shared, most likely your affirmation would be presumed without your knowledge. Of course, you’re going to agree to put 200 bucks in the Christmas potluck. It is here when you have to be vigilant about what you agree to in a group setting.
The anticipation of agreement in case your verbal affirmation/disagreement is required, your boss would rely on their favourite underling to support their ridiculous idea of replacing the coffee machine with an apple flavoured green tea dispenser. You do not want the apple tea and you know others don’t too but you cannot undercut your boss, someone with whom you have curated a strategic bond. It is here you’re being taken advantage of; something that you have to prepare your mind for before entering into the curating process.
The third thing about being likeable is the fragility of peace. Value of peace cannot be underestimated in any setting. Imagine, there’s a dispute between the employees and authority and you are well off with your department as well as the boss. You are in a crossfire as you are deemed to sit on a fence. Such situations expose your priorities which you’d rather have under wraps and so with being likeable you need to be smart to maintain the status quo and play the role of the mediator. If you want to live and let live, you’d side with the majority without much intervention and without entering the spotlight. It is work but then the world moves forward, and you’re there somewhere just minding your own business.
And there you have it, a ‘huh so that’s how it is’ view about being likeable (roll credits) in a cookbook way of story-telling. Put it to good use?
